Jesus' Two Words

Over the weekend I attended part of the IF:Gathering locally at a friend's house. I wasn't sure what to expect exactly. It's been a long time since I've been to a "women's retreat," and let's just say traditional evangelical women's events haven't really been my thing. I've felt, often, like I don't quite fit.  So I was surprised when I was impacted during the weekend's first event.

The founder, Jenni Allen, spoke towards the beginning and talked about two of Jesus' most frequent words: repent and believe. I was struck by simplicity of her statement. Then all sorts of bells went off in my head about grace and God meeting us while we are still sinners. As she talked I began to hear the beauty and truth of her words, which really wasn't in conflict with my concerns, like I initially thought.

Coming from an evangelical church in Southern California I'm all sorts of trained to not know what my sin is (just everyone else's), and to feel like Jesus is perpetually a little bit annoyed at me for the sins I have but don't really know how to identify. And now after seminary, I'm all trained to know what a sinner I am (the root sins that aren't so obvious on the outside) and how great Jesus' grace and love for me is in the midst of my sin. But sometimes when I hear someone speak it's confusing to identify which alarms are going off in my head -- is it the old alarm or the new one?  There are times when the words, "Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner," come easy and quickly. Last night, however, I was reminded I still don't like being told I'm a sinner by someone else. I feel judged regardless of who or how it's said. So, like most things, it'a a process of learning and un-learning.

As I was un-conciously sorting this all out I found a video that ends with the following Bonhoeffer quote:

Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession ... Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Regardless of how I felt about it at the time, the message I heard last night is good, and summarized well by Bonhoeffer's quote: for Jesus' mercy to mean anything good, it has to be given. I can't take it, earn it, behave well enough to fake it. I walk through the door of repentance first. And once I do I am given the keys to freedom. But it's always through the door of grace, with the message of repentance on my lips first. But I also don't need to stand at the door, year after year, with the same sin on my lips. Jesus has already invited me inside.

Last night I was reminded of the doors of repentance I walk through to get Jesus' grace--repentance. And now I get to believe what he can do in light of his mercy and love.